


Heart's Ease

by Fenris_Wolfe



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: 19days - Freeform, Angst, BL, Christmas, Gay, Goodbye, Love, M/M, Manga, Prayer, Romance, Tragedy, Tribute, Webtoon, Yaoi, oldxian, theotherside
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21905686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fenris_Wolfe/pseuds/Fenris_Wolfe
Summary: This was supposed to be Christmas Gift to you readers but it ended up otherwise.A story of He Tian and Mo living my nightmare.All the characters belong to Old Xian. I just write fanfiction to express my emotions. Do support the mangaka who created these babies for us to enjoy.
Relationships: He Tian/Mo Guan Shan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Heart's Ease

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Soe Nyein Oo](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Soe+Nyein+Oo).



At the court house

“The jury finds Mr. He Cheng, not guilty. And here by dropped all the charges against him.” 

As the gravel dropped sharply in quiet room indicating the end of 8 months long trial, He Tian soothed his suit and headed out silently, not waiting for his brother to get off the stand and got surrounded by the media. He had stood by him through this long trial in the states, making sure the deeds his father done would not come back and bite them in the ass. And had been for over two years now. His time in America had came to an end.

Holding up the end of a deal he made with his brother in exchange for a straight lace peaceful life with his beloved, Mo Guan Shan, he had to stay beside He Cheng and helped him out in family business. He was meant to go back after one year but fate wasn’t kind to him and just when the one year deal was up, the He enterprise faced a terrible law suit against their rivals. As much as he wanted to go back and see his boyfriend, he couldn’t ditch his brother when he was in trouble. 

But now, the trial was success. There was nothing holding him down anymore. He couldn’t wait to go back to his lover’s arms. He rushed out of the court house and hailed a taxi when his phone vibrated. “Hello?” “You can’t wait your brother for a few minutes?” He Cheng said, sulking a bit as his baby brother was too eager to leave him. He Tian got in the taxi and gave the man the direction to airport 

“I saw it through to the end and you are safe now. You don’t need me here anymore. Besides, it is such a pain to deal with media when I have a plane to catch.” He Cheng sighed. “…I can’t stop you this time, can I?” “No. I already fulfilled my end of the deal. Now you have to uphold yours. It been 2 years since I see Little Mo. I can’t waste another second.” He Cheng felt he was being abandoned but he didn’t press the matter further and readily gave consent to it. 

At the airport …

He Tian was rushing too much, he basically half walked and half run toward the ticket counter. He was out of breath before the staff who was wide eyed and bewildered by his action. “I already booked the direct ticket to China. Name is He Tian.” The girl checked his disheveled state and blushed. “Sure, sir. But the time is not until another 2 hour. You can catch your breath in the lounge.” She smiled and put a lock of hair behind her ear acting all coy. He Tian was too preoccupied with himself, he cared little for her. “2 more hours? Shit. Well, guess that is that. Thanks, anyway.” He was too impatient with the time but there was nothing he could do, so he gave up and headed to the lounge waiting area. 

He sat with a cup of coffee and took out his phone. There were a couple of missed calls, all from his best friend, Jian Yi. Amused by the fact that he would soon be able to see him, he called him up. “Hey…Jian Yi! Guess what. I am coming back.” He smiled brightly, not waiting for the other person to reply him. “Hey, He Tian…Good that you are coming back.” He Tian frowned. 

He had been away for more than 2 years and this was how his best friend reacted? Weird. “Don’t be too happy, you jerk.” Jian Yi sounded tired and with a deep sigh he said, “I didn’t mean it like that. Of course, I am happy.” He clicked his tongue and took a gulp of coffee. “Little Mo with you? He told me he was discharged a few days ago. I am glad his cold didn’t last long this time. When I come back, I gotta pamper him rotten. I am so excited, we will be able to spend Christmas together this year.”

He imagined babying his boyfriend and the usual cold passive face brightened like Christmas tree. Jian Yi didn’t reply for a few minutes, he checked whether the line was disconnected or not but it wasn’t. “….He Tian…um…he…he is not with me…Look dude, I have something to tell you.” He Tian felt a twinge of suspicion in his overflowing excitement, Jian Yi was being serious for once. There must be something he wanted to tell him. “Ok, shoot.” He took a sip from the cup and relaxed. “…Mo…he…He…is….” “Sorry what?...” Suddenly a sharp tingling buzz run through his hand and his phone dropped to the floor. With a loud crack, the screen broke. 

“Ah… Shit…what the hell happen?” He dropped his phone and held his hand in pain. The hand trembled a bit as the current numbed and stung him hard. Carefully, he picked up the phone, making sure it wouldn’t electrocute him again. His hand felt numb and cold. “Oh, no. Come on. Don’t break.” He tried opening the phone but the screen was dead. Cursing loud inward, he shoved the broken phone in his handbag, frustrated and annoyed. What luck.

Jian Yi was about to say something but he couldn’t catch it. It bothered him for a few minutes but soon drowned under his endless day dreams of meeting his lover again and plus they gonna see each other again in a few hours anyway. As if to comfort him, the board announced his plane was boarding. Light on his feet, he almost skipped toward the plane. Little Mo, I am coming back.

Waiting here for someone  
Only yesterday we were on the run  
You smile back at me and your face lit up the sun  
Now I’m here waiting here for someone

At the airport

After a 15 hour long flight, He Tian had to practically dragged his tired body off the plane. Ice cold breezes greeted him, whipping against his face as though welcoming him into their arms. He pulled his jacket tight around his neck and quickly made his way toward the entrance. Since he couldn’t contact anyone with his broken phone, he doubted anyone would be waiting for him. But that way he could surprise them, so not that bad after all. 

He was in extreme good mood, he didn’t even mind the tiresome queue at the customs or waiting at baggage claim. His head was in the clouds, in just a few more hours, he could meet his lover. He heard he was admitted to hospital with a cold, even though it almost drove him insane when he first heard, he couldn’t come back and stay by his side.

He thanked god for Jian Yi and Zhang Zheng Xi been staying by his side and looked after him in his stead. But only when he heard he was discharged last week then he felt reassured and relieved. Now he has to shower all his love and affection on his little Mo to make up for all the lost time.. He couldn’t stop the giddy feeling bubbling inside his chest as he rushed through the crowd. 

But his steps came to a stop in front of the entrance. Through the massive crowd, he spotted a face he would never mistaken even in next life. Mo was standing at the front of the crowd. He wore a yellow hoodie with a black scarf around his neck. His red hair was hidden under a black beanie. He Tian stood stunned, staring at the person before him with wide eyes. 

It has been 2 years. 2 whole years since he last saw this face, those thin brows, crystal clear almond eyes and thin lips. He was seeing them in person, not through a glass screen or in his dreams. Mo smiled at him as he walked toward him in a daze. “Are you still asleep?” he asked with a chuckle as he stood before him, not saying a word, just kept staring at him. Hearing his voice in person, He Tian couldn’t stop the tears from gushing out. 

“….little Mo…” he finally said the words with a cracked voice before pulling the other person into his tight embrace. “Wow, I expected you to keep your cool image but don’t drip your mucus on my clothes. You old sap…” Mo joked as He Tian buried his face in crook of his neck, inhaling the scent he missed the most in whole wide world. Only after several minutes when Mo had started to protest, he let go of him and took his face in his hands. 

“It been so long I get to see this face. Why are you so thin? Are you still sick? You are pale.” He brushed his fingers on his cheeks and then rubbed his lips. Mo smiled faintly and leaned in for a kiss. Surprised, He Tian’s heart almost jumped out of his throat. “Little Mo, you are so daring in public. Not that I am complaining. But if you wanna do it, do it for real” He grabbed Mo by the waist and spun him around. Mo’s eyes widened by sudden movement and he held onto He Tian’s neck for dear life. 

“You jerk…don’t you dare drop me.” He Tian smirked and leaned in, pressing his lips on Mo’s. He licked his cold and dry lips and asked him for permission. Mo pulled himself up and let his tongue to enter. The two lovers shared a deep passionate kiss, unaware of the surrounding in the middle of airport. For a moment, everything stood still. Time stopped, wind halted, birds muted and people faded away. In that world, only two of them existed.

On the Taxi

The entire cab ride was quiet. They both held hands and just enjoyed the presence of each other. Occasionally, He Tian would bring his hand to his lips and kiss it, earning him a few giggles from Mo who kept staring out the window with a somber expression. The taxi driver looked back at them and shook his head with a sigh. He Tian cared little for what other thought about them for he was currently in heaven, nothing could bring him down. 

When they arrived at He Tian’s apartment, Mo led him up the elevator, not letting go of his hand. He Tian smiled, pleased with his situation. He didn’t mind being treated this tenderly by infamous Yankee, Mo, not at all. Even though he had been away for 2 years, the place was neat and tidy without a speck of dust. 

“Wow, it is cleaner than I remember.” He Tian said, dropping his luggage in the middle of the living room while he loosened his necktie. Mo shrugged and said, “Well, someone had to. Now go wash up. I will be in the bed room.” Hearing this, He Tian almost sprinted to the bathroom but not before he stole a kiss from Mo’s lips. “You…go take a bath.” Blushing, Mo pushed him away before things escalated. 

He Tian laughed at Mo’s innocent reaction but obediently, he caught a towel thrown at him before quickly disappeared into bathroom. Mo stood alone in the middle of quiet room, his pale face was softened up with a hint of sadness hiding behind the crystal clear eyes which disappeared the next moment he blinked it away. By the time, He Tian came out of the bed room with a towel wrapped around his waist, Mo was waiting for him in the living room. 

He rubbed his hair and smiled. “I thought you’d be waiting for me on the bed.” Mo’s cheeks blushed pink a bit but he still had his sharp tongue. “Get your head out of gutter, moron. We are going out.” He Tian’s brows raised as he walked closer, still rubbing his damp hair messily. “We are?” Looking at him drying his hair like a kid started to irk Mo out, so he grabbed the towel from He Tian’s hand and pulled the other person to the sofa, sat him down before him. 

“You are still a brat even at this age. What if you catch a cold?” He grumbled but he started to rub his hair gently. He Tian had a big goofy smile plastered on his face. Can things get better than this? “Well, I have you. You can take care of me.” Imagine being fed by Mo, catching a cold might not be so bad after all but sadly he knew his immune system was extremely resistant against such mishaps. One could only hope. There was no reply from above, he just kept his hand at wiping the wet hair. 

“…little Mo? You ok?” the silent went on for several minutes and it started to bother him so He Tian had to break it. “…Yea…I am fine.” He then forcefully rubbed his head, making He Tian let out a fake yelp and then got off the sofa. “Now, go dress. We have to go.” He Tian did as he said not before asking, “Where?” “Did you forget today is Christmas Eve?” Mo asked not believing this bastard who stayed in the west for 2 year and had the gall to forget the most festive day of the year. 

“Ah… I forgot.” He smiled apologetically. “Unbelievable. Whatever, go change. I will wait you at the door.” He pushed him toward the bed room. “But I am hungry…”He Tian kept acting like a spoilt kid and enjoying Mo’s very rare display of affections.” “We will eat at the plaza.” He then closed the bed room door after kicking He Tian inside. “Fineeee…..” 

In the car……

He Tian got into Mo’s car, feeling a bit cramped as his long legs didn’t fit well. Mo laughed at his discomfort while he started the car and drove it downtown. The whole city was decorated with colorful lights, ribbons and occasionally balloons. Even the cold wind tasted festive. He Tian grabbed Mo’s free hand and started fiddling with long slender fingers. “Why are you so cold?” Even though the car heater was on and he was wearing a long coat over his yellow sweater, Mo still felt cold and pale. He touched his cheeks and found them equally cold. Mo shivered at his touch but didn’t bark like he usually did. Instead, he leaned into He Tian’s big and warm palm. 

He Tian’s heart was over flowing with happiness at the moment and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from his beloved red head. “Stop staring at me. We are here.” Mo said after he parked and He Tian didn’t even realized where they were. Chuckling at his own behavior, he leaned in and kissed Mo’s cheeks. “Well, my driver was so pretty I couldn’t stop watching him.” He winked at Mo who was turning into a tomato with each second and got out of the car. 

Crowded was generous word to describe the situation at the people plaza. There was like a million people gathered in tiny place where the biggest Christmas tree in the city stood magnificently at the center, bright with colorful lights and golden ornaments dorning its green lushful branches elegantly. He Tian looked up at the gigantic tree with awe, the lights reflected in his eyes beautifully. 

He felt a tug at his sleeve and found Mo was pulling him toward the sea of people. It was surprising because Mo never liked crowds or festivals but here they were celebrating Christmas like every other couple. He smiled to himself, whatever or wherever it might be, so long as he had Mo beside him he would enjoy even hell. Following Mo while wading through hundreds of people wasn’t an easy job. He was yelled at, cursed at and sometimes even stepped on by several people but in the end both of them made to the center.

He Tian heaved a big relief. “Now I understand what it meant by flattened under stampede. God…you ok, Mo?” He looked up and found Mo who was totally unfrazed by anything. “You got old, He Tian.” Mo said with a smirk and came close to him, He reached to his collar and straightened his jacket. “Now that’s mean. It been so long so you forget I get to punish you if you bad mouth me.” He wrapped his arm around Mo’s waist and pressed him closer to his body. Mo threw his arms over his shoulder without protest. 

The lights bounced off from golden ornaments and decorations and showered over Mo like private lighting and in his eyes, he felt like Mo was glowing. His slightly scrunched eyebrows, his sharp yet gentle eyes, slightly hollowed cheeks and thin yet lustrous lips. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from him, the only thing he could do was stared into his eyes. He wished he could convey how much he loved him, how much he cherished him and how much he needed him fully in words but there weren’t enough words to describe them. 

He leaned in and deeply sealed their lips. There was no lust, just deep affection and love. Mo leaned deeper into the kiss, running his hand through He Tian’s hair. Even though they were in public, they couldn’t care less for anyone around them. Only when they both felt the need to breathe, their lips separated. Leaning onto each other’s forehead, their cold breaths mixed between them. “You know how long I waited to kiss you like this again?” He Tian asked pulling Mo’s face up and stared right into his eyes. Mo smiled, faintly, his eyes full of sorrow and tears. “2 years and 12 days. I would have counted the hours but it felt like I was being too petty.” 

Hearing his words, both laugh heartily. ‘Merry Christmas, my love, Little Mo.” He Tian said pulling Mo’s beanie down a bit to cover his reddened ear tips. “…Merry Christmas He Tian.” For the first time in 2 years, He Tian let out a genuine smile, that lit up his stone cold face brighter than the giant Christmas tree in the background. Mo looked at his lover’s face and couldn’t help but felt his heart melting inside. 

In the car

“So where are we going now?” He Tian asked as Mo drove them up a small hill behind the plaza. They went around, enjoy the food and laughter together until the clock struck 12. At midnight there was gonna be fireworks display, which he heard from Mo. “I already told you it’s a secret.” Mo said swatting away He Tian’s finger that kept poking at his cheek irritatedly. 

“Well, whatever you do, it gonna be surprise for me anyway.” Mo blushed so hard, his ear tips were the shade of neon red. He Tian found it so adorable the way his face changes with his every words and he couldn’t wait to find out more of this lovely creature’s hidden expressions in the future. 

The car came to a halt and He Tian got out and soon stunned by the sight. They were at the top of the hill where there was a clearance which overlooked the whole city. “Wow, I didn’t know this place existed. How did you find this?” He Tian was awed by the sight. The neon lights from the city resembled golden rays beaming bright with fiery aura under dark night sky. Up in the heavens, silver lights shone in tranquility and peace, not taunted by the man made lights below. 

The contrast between the two was strikingly beautiful. Mo plodded down on wet grass and he patted beside him. He Tian obeyed without a word and both sat staring at the night scene laid out before them. The cold winter air seeped through the gaps and made them shiver but…He Tian pulled Mo into his embrace and engulfed the thinner man with his warmth. Mo didn’t protest, instead he lie in He Tian’s chest, eyes vacant, taking in the painting before them. 

“He Tian…” He Tian nuzzled his head on Mo’s beanie and entwined their fingers together. “Hmmm?” He gave Mo’s finger a gentle squeeze, wondering why he was still this cold. “You know these past two years, there were countless time I wanted to break up with you. I hated that you didn’t listen to me. I hated that you chose to be mafia. I hated that…” his voice trembled but he continued. “That you left me. I hated you for making me suffer.” He Tian felt like his heart was being crushed under a hundred ton. He couldn’t find words to deny it. He really did left him. Even though he had good reason, it was true he up and left without looking back. 

“I am here now. I can’t turn back the time and right my wrongs. But I am here now. I will compensate for them a thousand fold.” He kissed the top of Mo’s head, tightening his embrace. Mo squeezed their hands together and said, “…I know you will. You are real pain in the ass, anyway.” Both chuckled for a bit but soon quieted down. The air around them was chilled to bones but they didn’t seem bother by it. “But then…I got sick…” his voice was breaking as he started. He Tian felt his body shivered and thinking he was cold, he pulled him closer sharing his body heat. “In that time, I…I started to understand why you had to leave.” Mo brought their hands to his cheek and pressed against it. 

“You were fighting for our future. You were carrying all the burdens so we could be together longer in the future.” He shifted and turned to sit face to face. He Tian didn’t know how to soothe the person before him who looked so sad and so…so distant? He wiped a tear drop on his cheek. “I just wished you let me help too. You were only thinking of me but all I could think was how you abandoned me. I didn’t want a life without you.” “I…” “No, let me finish. Please.” He put a finger on his lips and shook his head. Seeing how Mo was close to tears, He Tian gave up. 

“I didn’t realize how short this life is until now. We were all caught up in our own pride and shitty stubbornness that we wasted this precious time we get to live on stupid things. I could’ve chased after you. I could’ve stayed in states with you. But instead I blamed all on you and resented you.” He touched He Tian’s face, a tear drop rolled down his cheek. “Without doing anything. Now…it’s too late.” “Little Mo, are you ok? What’s wrong with you? I am here now aren’t I?” He Tian pulled his shirt, making him look right in his eyes. He couldn’t wrap his head on what he was saying. 

Mo smiled full of sorrow and said, “I am sorry, He Tian. I am sorry for being a coward. I am sorry for unable to stay beside you. I swear…I swear if I could…I would stay beside you. Till you discard me.” At this point, he was shaking from head to toes and he sobbed uncontrollably. Fear started to creep into He Tian and he could do nothing but pulled him into his embrace and hugged him so tight their bodies molded into each other. “Calm down, little Mo. Breathe. Slowly. Slowly. Come on. I am here. I am not blaming you or anything. Come on.” 

He hugged Mo’s trembling body in his embrace, his heart hurt like it had been curved out raw with a knife. At that moment, suddenly pink and green lights showered over them. He Tian looked up and saw the fireworks booming in the air above the plaza. Several big colorful lights exploded with soft noise, decorating the tranquil night sky with specks of colors.

“Look, fireworks are started.” He pulled Mo up and made him at least look at the lights. Mo stared at the brilliant colors with tear stained face and his lips curved into a faint smile. “Remember the time when we used to sneak up school roof to light fireworks?” He Tian chuckled as the memories rushed back in. “That can’t be called fireworks. Those are just sticks.” Mo nudged his rib with elbow and said “Admit it was pretty fun though. Admit it.” 

Pleased that he successfully diverted Mo’s attention, He Tian lifted his hands in surrender and admitted defeat. “It was ridiculously fun.” He then turned Mo to face him and looked into his eyes. “That was only because you were there. I am complete when you are with me. Even when we were apart, I never once felt lonely, granted I missed you like crazy and I was horny as fuck but never lonely because I know you are always with me. In my heart.” 

Tears cascaded down Mo’s cheeks and he laughed while wiping them away. “Aside from the cheesy pick up line at the end, I genuinely believe in every word.” He Tian pulled him close and rested his hands on his ass, mildly giving it a pat. “I am serious.” Mo chuckled and said, “Sure thing, Romeo.”

He then became serious again. Cupping He Tian’s face in his hands, he stared at the dark orbs that always felt like gravity for him. “I want you to be happy, He Tian. Like you said I am always with you so I want you to be happy. No matter what I want you to know I love you so damn fucking much even though you are a jerk and asshole sometimes. Like I said, it’s a short time. Before you know…”

Mo’s last words were drowned under a massive explosion from a far. The sky was now decorated with huge red sparkles repeatedly going off till they danced wildly across the night sky, spreading light and glitter everywhere. Mo pulled him in for a kiss. A rough, eager hasty kiss. His lips crashed against He Tian’s, trembling ever so slightly. He Tian opened his mouth and let the kiss to envelop them, waking up every cells in his body and riled up his heart so much for a moment, he thought he was a teenager in love. 

The two retreated back into the car and wrapped in each other embrace, they stared at the lighting show a far in silent. Skin to skin, heart to heart, they were so close, practically becoming one. Mo nuzzled against He Tian’s chest and held him tight as though he gonna disappear the next minute. He Tian stroked Mo’s arm gently, feeling the other’s skin, making sure this was not a dream. He was actually here, holding the love of his life in his arms. 

Meanwhile, outside. Pink and blue, red and green the sky was brilliant with colors but inside the quiet car, the two lovers lay in each other embrace, not touched by the outside world. For a moment there, it appeared as though they weren’t a part of this world. 

The next morning…

He Tian woke up in the back seat of the car alone. He stretched his cramped muscles and looked around. The sun was already up, morning dew made the windows fogged up nicely. He sniffed from the cold and wrapped his jacket closer before got out of car. He expected to see Mo standing in the cold alone but to his surprise, there was no one around. “Little Mo?” he called out as he walked around the car. The wind was brutally chilly this morning, it was harsh and brittle on He Tian’s exposed skin. He shivered, tucking his hands in his pockets. Where did he go? Did he leave? 

The moment the thought came across his mind, his legs froze. Did he…”Did he leave me?” he muttered to himself, colors draining from his face as he got bombarded by a million more awful realizations. How could he be so stupid? That was why he was inconsolable last night. He was saying goodbye. “Fuck…” he cursed and run back to the car. Thankfully, the key was left in place. He started the car and without looking back, drove it at top speed back to the apartment. 

He knew it was his fault leaving him without so much an explanation 2 years ago but he thought they were ok. Frustrated, he hit the steering wheel multiple times. If he could, he would have screamed till his voice was lost. He was going to apologize him. He would do anything to get him back, even if that mean knelt down before him. He couldn’t lose him. 

No, he would never. The car raced down the road and traffic at scary speed and no more than fifteen minutes passed, he arrived his apartment. He gonna have to call Jian Yi and Zhang Zheng Xi first. They would know where he could be. Fuck, not having phone with you was the worst thing ever. He ran up the stairs, 2 at a time till he reached his door.

The door was opened to his surprise. Unable to contain his joy, he rushed in yelling, “Little Mo! Thank god, I caught you in time. You…” his speech was cut short as the one standing in the middle of living room wasn’t Mo. But Jian Yi. “He Tian?...when did you…” He Tian’s hear sunk into abyss and for a moment, he couldn’t catch his breath. Leaning against a shelf, he made sure his desperation wasn’t obvious. “Yesterday. Long story. First I need to find Little Mo. He probably was planning to leave me. Do you have any clue where he might go?” He walked pass stunned Jian Yi who kept staring at him with wide eyes. 

He dredged out an old phone from a shelf and ready to call Mo’s phone but he didn’t know if he changed his number or not. “Jian Yi, you have Mo’s number right? Give it to me. I need to find him and explain him ASAP.” He handed his phone to Jian Yi but the blond guy stood there in silent without moving an inch. “Hello! Earth to Jian fucker!” He Tian shouted, he was really reaching his end. “…He Tian…” “Yes? What? Did you hear a word I was saying, you shit?” He threw the phone on sofa and rubbed his face till it turned red. 

“Don’t hide him from me…I…I know you know. Come on, Jian Yi. Tell me where he is.” He shook Jian Yi who just stared at him without words and he was this close to break into tears. “Ok.” He Tian’s face lighted up immediately. “Really? Ok? Yea. Let’s go. I will drive. You tell me the way. Ok? Come on.” 

He pushed Jian Yi out of the house and rushed to the car at lightning speed. Jian Yi got in the car without a word and strapped himself in front seat. He Tian got in and he excitedly started the car. “Drive to 1123, Pine Street. You still remember where that is right?” Jian Yi said with a slightly shaky voice, looking at his friend who was staring at him expectantly. “Yea, of course. It is near our old high school, right? A bit far but fastens your seatbelt. I gonna floor this.” 

True to his words, the car went at frightening speed, passing a couple of red lights in doing so. “Honestly we were having a great time last night. We went to plaza and then watched fireworks. I can’t believe…” “You did what?” Jian Yi asked with wide eyes, his expression was one of shock, not surprise. “Chill mom. It was PG rated. What’s wrong with you? You look like you haven’t sleep in a week.” He Tian grumbled as he passed another red light, earning several cruse words from people.

“Yea…I haven’t slept a wink in a week.” His voice was so dry and lack of life, he wondered what happened to everyone when he was way. He made a sharp U turn and stopped in front of a big white building. “We are here.” He announced and ready to get out of the car but he was stopped by Jian Yi. “He Tian…I…” “What?” He was impatient. Even though he was his best friend, he should know when is important and when is not. “Move it, dude. I need to see Mo before it’s too late.” Jian Yi gripped his hand and shouted, “IT ALREADY IS” 

He Tian stopped in his tracks. “What?” Tears flowed down Jian Yi’s face and he got out of the car without a word. Puzzled, He Tian too got out of the car. He stood in front of the white building with an elegant arch entry way and said, “Follow me…just please…” He looked so worn out and tired. He Tian just realized how exhausted he looked but he didn’t say anything and followed him. Jian Yi pushed the front door and got in, followed by He Tian. 

“Mr. Jian…good to see you again. And this is?” A middle aged priest came out, he was wearing black church priest clothes with a silver cross on his chest. His gray hair was combed back neatly, even though his whole being exuded stern and strict aura, his brown eyes remained soft and comforting. “This is He Tian…the one I told you about.” Jian Yi didn’t look at He Tian, he kept staring at the floor. He Tian couldn’t understand what was happening. 

“Ah I see. It is good to finally meet you, Mr. He.” He extended a hand to He Tian who took it hesitantly. “Since you are finally here, I believe we can continue on with the process. He been waiting a little too long.’ The priest said and gestured them to follow him. He Tian looked at Jian Yi who was still refusing to look at him. “What’s going on here, Jian Yi? Did little Mo enter Catholic Church and become priest? What are we doing here?” Jian Yi rubbed his tired face and sighed. “You will know soon.”

They followed the priest and then finally reached a room which looked like a hospital. He Tian looked around uncomfortably. He didn’t like the air here. He didn’t like to be here. They enter a smaller room and the moment he stepped foot inside the room, He Tian knew he would forever regret in doing so. 

The room was lined with white porcelain from top to bottom except for one wall. On that wall, there were four squared shaped metal doors. The priest went over to the wall and he kissed his cross before reaching out to open a metal door. He Tian stood still. Everything was slowing down. He could hear the metal clicking, soft footsteps of the priest, the throbbing vein on his neck and temple, the booming heart beat slowing down by minutes as he watched the priest fully opened the metal door and lay something covered with white sheet in front of him. 

“Mr. He Tian…I know there are no words I can say to ease you pain but I hope you can find closure.” With that, he slowly lifted the white sheet. He Tian couldn’t feel his feet. He couldn’t feel anything. Everything was cold. Cold like Mo’s hands from last night. But still he moved forward. He wished he was blind. He wished he couldn’t see what lie before him. Little Mo. His little Mo who always had a scrowl on his face, who always sharp tongue, who always blushed at his every word, lie there on the metal table.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to give you guys a happy christmas gift but i can't/  
> A friend, a brother who i looked up to, who helped me in my darkest times, who gave me strength to move forward passed away in an accident last week. I can't stop crying since the moment I heard the new. My heart is in pieces. i was looking forward to see him again and tell him the good news. I was waiting. but now I can't.   
> I been living day and night just going through motions. I can't even fake smile at work. I am sad. I am terribly sad. and I can't seem to find a way to get out of it.   
> I do not want to say rest in peace. I can't. I can not bring myself to say it. It hurts so much. I am a doctor, I am supposed to be used to this. But I am not.   
> I tried to convey feelings through words because it seem to be the best way for me.   
> I am sorry to drag u all into this but I really really need to let it out. 
> 
> I will continue when I can process my feelings. Right now, I am stuck there. I can't let go. I can't move on. I am just there.


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